Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Paula's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
6:37 pm	Back to school So maybe I need to get my ass in gear and stop lurking around reading about other people's lives and actually write about mine... My illustrious January teaching career lasted all of ten weeks. I taught for eight and then gave notice. I was hired at a Baltimore County high school to teach freshman and senior English--five classes in all. My enthusiasm of the new was short-lived. The kids had had subs all year prior to my arrival, and they didn't want to do anything. They were disrespectful and disruptive. It was too hard for me as a new teacher to walk into their territory and try to claim it for myself. I wasn't prepared. Plus I was taking two classes, one of which required that I be observed by sadist of the year. Dr. Evil was one of the most unsupportive, unhelpful educators I have ever encountered. My stress levels were through the roof. I went to bed at midnight and was up by five. I gagged every morning and lost 12 pounds. I never got to see my family and my husband had to take over most kid duties. We were all miserable. So I quit. Fast forward to now. I figured I'd try to get hired next year, when Zoe was in kindergarten. I was going to offer to tutor at my sons' city schools. But out of the blue, there came a classified ad for a middle school language arts teacher at a neighborhood Catholic school. I never, ever thought I'd teach in a Catholic school, but... It's within walking distance of our house. They have full day pre-K and a tuition break for teachers. They are very accommodating and family-friendly. I will only have about 60 students (6, 7, 8) instead of 120. And I get to pick the young adult novels/books I want to teach. I loooooove YA lit. Any recommendations? I'm thinking about Hatchet, Roll of Thunder Hear My Cry, Crispin the Cross of Lead, The Chocolate War, The Outsiders, The Golden Compass, The Giver... So I have a nice big classroom which my guys and I painted "fresh pear," which is sort of lime green. I bought some beanbag chairs and disk chairs and bright orange rugs at Target to make reading areas. I hung posters and papered bulletin boards. The room rocks! I created a teacher website. I am reading like crazy and trying to decide which books to use. I am writing up my class rules, expectations and procedures. My territory. For us to create a learning community together. I learn from my mistakes. Yes, I do. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 2nd, 2005
10:15 pm	New Year's Itch I have that same pit-of-stomach dread about tomorrow that my kids have. The holidays are over and the grind starts anew. For me, it means Monday and Tuesday student teaching, Wednesday and Thursday in mini-mester seminar. This pattern goes for three weeks, after which I student teach full time until mid-May. What if I just want to teach now? Have my own classroom, my own responsibilities? I'm chomping at the bit right now. I'm ready. And I want to be PAID. Poor Sean has to drop the kids off in the morning AND pick them up because we really can't afford to pay for after school child care on top of everything else. I know that I'm paying my dues, that this is part of my training/schooling, but... There are a couple of positions open for English teachers in Baltimore County, according to their website. I'm calling tomorrow. What do I have to lose, except my cocky attitude? I have a 4.0 GPA. I passed the professional exams. I have an excellent portfolio. My observations were great. After the seminar, there's only a reading class left to take and the student teaching credits (which could be worked out as I teach). Can I convince 'em to hire me now? You'd hire me, wouldn't you? (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
1:03 pm	Sounds of silence So my 8th grader plays clarinet in the school band. He goes to rehearsals two mornings a week, but his enthusiasm is minimal. He doesn't complain about going, but he doesn't exactly seem enthused, either. As in, I have yet to hear him practice the damn thing this semester. I ask him when the Holiday Concert is. "I dunno." Ack. So I just called the school. It's the night of December 23. Freakin' hell. We leave for the in-laws that morning. It's a ten hour drive. Impossible to wait until the next day, 'cause I refuse to drive on Christmas Eve. Bah, humbug. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 28th, 2004
6:59 pm	Welcome to Plague House For the last three years, I've made Thanksgiving dinner at our house. In years prior, we packed everyone up and traveled to points north: Pennsylvania, New York. It's so much nicer to stay put, even though the food and house prep gets frenetic. And since I'm not the best housekeeper (heh), this involves a lot of last minute Swiffing and stashing stuff in bins. Who's on the guest list? My husband's ex and her dad are standard. Weird, huh? But she doesn't cook, and I want to avoid the issue of splitting up the family so the boys can spend a holiday with her. So I suck it up, and they come here. This year her new boyfriend came, too. Years past included friends and neighbors, and some of my family. This year, just the eight of us. And since I spent all freakin' day Wednesday writing a research paper (ugh), late-night Wednesday and Thursday morning were crucial. Of course, Sean gets sick Wednesday night. Massively sick. As in up-all-night-alternately-hugging-and-sitting-upon-toilet sick. Which means I got very little sleep, as I was treated to mad dashes and symphonic bowl sounds all night. I peeled myself from the plague bed at 7:30 a.m. and came downstairs. I made two pumpkin pies, cranberry sauce and stuffing before the rest of the brood made their eye-rubbing appearances. At which point I realized how overwhelmed I was, and I cried. Nothing like an all-out bawl as a motivator. Kevin was shocked into cleaning the bathroom. Jonah picked up the living room. Zoe gave me a hug. And it all went fine. Sean recovered enough by 4:00 to eat a micro-portion of dinner. He even had a sliver of pie. Luckily, it's a 24-hour thing. Fast-forward to Friday night. Sean, Z and I are holiday shopping at Target. Kevin calls my cell. "I threw up." Fast-forward to this afternoon. Family is at movies while I cook baked shells, beef stew and beef barley soup for the week. I am also working on lesson plans since my week of intensive teaching starts tomorrow. Sean calls. "Jonah threw up." Yee-haw. And Tuesday is my birthday. And I'm being observed Tuesday by my advisor. Please, God, let the women of the house be spared. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 16th, 2004
1:51 pm	One for the books So I've spent the last couple of hours working on the lesson I'm teaching tomorrow. We're doing a poetry unit, and most of the students want to talk about rap, listen to rap, write rap... So I'm doing a short history and a lesson based on a Kanye West song (Family Business). I'll be curious to see if they'll actually take on writing something or just complain, as usual. I'll stay hopeful. Much of my time was taken up trying to find a rap that's age appropriate for 11/12 year-olds that has some street cred. Thank you, i-tunes, for cleaned-up versions. And then I realize that my cute cheerleader girls might not be into it. Or my headbangers. So I'm adding Avril Lavigne (Sk8er Boi) and Slipknot (Duality). We'll look at their lyrics as poetry. Will all this raise my cool factor? Can I put it in my portfolio? What will the reviewers say? Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Jesus Walks (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 14th, 2004
11:31 am	Hey, you with the heavy keyring... So aftrer waking up uncharacteristically early for a Saturday, we got dressed and ready and decided to go out for breakfast. But the key wouldn't turn in the ignition of the Jeep. The lock seemed loose and jiggly and the damn key wouldn't turn. The reliable old minivan (which is just about paid off so ya know that means it will fall apart soon) was trapped behind the Jeep in our tiny driveway. Bah. After a call to AAA (how funny is it that the membership expires Monday? better renew) and a three-hour wait, the locksmith guy arrives. His diagnosis? My keychain is too heavy, and when it hangs in the ignition it pulls it out of whack. And you know, it's not really that heavy. Not really. Yike. So he had to rebuild the damn ignition. Bottom line: 140 bucks. And triple A kicked in 74. Feck. No breakfast out. Had to clean the house. Removed one ring and two keys. Sheesh. (Comment on this)
Friday, October 29th, 2004
7:33 pm	If you can make it here, you're gonna make it anywhere So these days I am completely strung out trying to balance motherhood with going to school full time. I'm getting a Masters in teaching middle/high school English. I have three night classes and I student teach on Wednesdays and Thursdays. The house has gone (further) to hell; there are piles of crap everywhere. Dealing with bills is depressing since we're scraping. Our mantra is "next year, next year..." When I will be employed, of course. Next school year. The middle school I student teach at is in Anne Arundel County, yet another annoyance in terms of commute. (My other choices were Howard or Carroll). The kids are mostly from blue collar families and the school is considered "at risk" because test scores are not improving. I'm here to tell you that it's NOT because of the quality of teaching. I never anticipated the amount of behavior management that we have to do. There are so many students who treat adults as if they were other kids. I appreciate the right to ask questions, but NOT the right to literally get up in a teacher's face. There are numerous students who simply refuse to do the work, no matter what it is. Students who are constantly moving around the room. Students who yell out not only answers, but inappropriate comments. Kids who are desperate for attention, even if it's negative. Imagine eight like this in a class of 26. How much learning actually happens? How can the teacher diffuse situations while teaching the material? Not to mention the fact that most of these kids test at a third grade or below reading level. What happened in elementary school? Where do you begin? And where are the parents? There are some that care, but many of them don't. They've heard it all before. Some have had bad experiences in school themselves, and they view the teachers as automatic enemies. They pass it down. There is one boy who has instigated four fistfights. On two occasions the student bruised the teachers who broke up the fights. His mother's response? "You don't know how to handle my son." No "sorrys," no "I'll talk to hims," nothing. Another mom displays the same in-your-faceness as her daughter. She thinks we're out to get her kid. But you know, I don't dislike any of these kids. They all have good qualities. I wonder what they go home to at night. One kid wrote an essay about a party at his house where all his relatives were drunk. Another girl wrote a poem about a cousin who was murdered. Another boy told me hasn't seen his mom in years--he doesn't know where she is. They have all been exposed to situations that are not good for the mental, developmental health of eleven year-olds. At least I don't feel as if I'm in danger. But sometimes I wonder whether someone will bring in a knife. Or a gun. What would it take? I could see a positive learning situation happening if the class size were 10-15. Instead, we have 26-30. I worry about what will happen to them. My advisor came in to observe me teaching yesterday. It was our worst-behaved group, third block. 85 minutes of raucous. For them, they weren't awful. We went to the computer lab to write creepy stories. She was very complimentary about my teaching style. The kids obviously like me and respect me. They're impressed that I know about what they're into--being a mom helps. But somehow that's not enough to control behavior. They just want more and more attention. My advisor said "If you can teach here, you can teach anywhere." Sigh. Current Mood: contemplative (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 3rd, 2004
2:03 pm	Goddamn Baltimore City My letter to the editor, Baltimore Sun: "My husband and I have patronized the Sunday Baltimore Farmer's Market under the JFX for over a decade. We look forward to supporting local farmers by purchasing fresh fruits and vegetables. We enjoy the feeling of community and the atmosphere of diversity at the market. All good feelings were marred, however, when we arrived at the parking lot adjacent to the market at 11:00 a.m. this past Sunday (October 3). Two parking attendants were busily ticketing nearly every vehicle! In all the years we have been coming to the market, we have never once fed a meter on the lot. We have never seen anyone else feed a meter. But apparently, these are 24-hour, seven-day meters. And now, the city has decided to begin enforcing the parking rules--without any notice. Many long-time market patrons were left with both a ticket and a bad taste in their mouths. Could the city have at least posted a noticeable warning sign saying that parking rules are in effect during the market and that meters must be fed? The only way patrons know they are to feed the meters is the fine print on the meters themselves. And most of us assume that meters on a lot under the highway are free on Sundays. I see this as a campaign to fill the city's coffers with ticket fines. This comes at the expense of alienating many of Mayor Martin O'Malley's most active constituents, who support Baltimore City in many more ways than coming to the Sunday market." We didn't get a ticket, thank god, because we got a heads up. Be warned. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 12th, 2004
2:44 pm	hallelujah The cat just carried in a set of blue plastic rosary beads, dredged up fom somewhere in the basement playroom. She had them in her mouth, mrrr-rowwww! Who wants to pay five bucks to pet my miracle cat? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:58 pm	when seemingly nice strangers say stupid things So I'm waiting at the Giant deli counter, and this older woman (70?) strikes up a conversation with Zoe. She complimented her dress and shoes, asked her how old she is, the usual. Zoe volunteered that she has two brothers, and the lady asked if they were big or little. Zoe said big, but she didn't know how old they were. I said "Jonah is 10, and Kevin is 13." The woman's face lit up and she grinned at me. "Surprise!" she said in a loud voice, nodding her head toward Zoe. It took me a second to process this extremely rude summing up. I was a little stunned. "No, actually not," I said tersely. "Well, it's nice that you got a girl," she said, still grinning. (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 8th, 2004
11:21 pm	sweet n' sour It was a beautiful spring day in Baltimore, and we celebrated by going to a strawberry festival at a nearby church. Zoe had her first pony ride, and I had my first lemon stick (a peppermint stick stuck in a lemon, to be used as a straw). Sean gamely acquiesced to the whims of his women--moonbouncing, ice cream eating, flea market shopping and book browsing. They had an excellent used book room. I filled a box with literary fiction and classics for seven bucks (I actually gave them ten 'cause I felt guilty hauling off so much). I requested and received sour apple schnapps and vodka for Mother's Day for making appletinis--yeah, I know--very uncharacteristically girly of me. But you know, it's like drinking liquid Jolly Ranchers. I got some martini glasses, too. I made Zoe some mac n' cheese of the Trader Joe's box variety. She ate some, but mostly picked. And hour later I made some fancy salads for Sean and me--baby spinach, arugula, red peppers, avocado and leftover grilled chicken with homemade cilantro lime walnut dressing. She snuggled up next to me, announcing "I'm gonna share with you, Mama," and proceeded to eat at least 1/3 of my salad. I often forget who I'm dealing with here. Current Mood: content Current Music: "The Bare Necessities," The Jungle Book (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 28th, 2004
10:49 pm	I hate it when that happens From the 1971 edition of The Joy of Cooking, scored at this weekend's carnival bookroom: For the guest who shuns an alcoholic drink, offer a clear broth, such as: Chicken broth or bouillon, combined with: (Tomato and orange juice), poured over ice cubes. *Be sure the broth is not too rich in gelatin, for it may suddenly congeal. Current Mood: amused Current Music: "If Your Kisses Can't Hold the Man You Love," Rasputina (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
9:58 pm	so many books, so little time My idea of the perfect escape involves a hotel room with a balcony and a bathroom with a deep marble tub. The room would be furnished with a king size bed that had crisp cotton sheets and a feather duvet. I'd want an oversized armchair and a matching ottoman. Most importantly, there would be plenty of good reading light. I'd take this vacation alone, just me and a pile of books. I rank reading right up there after breathing and eating, just before having sex. And there's never enough time for it. At any given time I usually have two or three books in process. I supplement them with the local rag, The New York Times, the New Yorker, New York magazine (is there a trend here?), some cooking magazines, and handfuls of various zines. I read almost anything I can get my hands on: literary novels, essays, memoirs. I'm reading a lot of young adult lit right now, trying to prep for teaching middle school English. I've been a rabid reader for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, my biggest excitement was being driven to the library every couple of weeks. I was allowed to check out as many books as I could carry. I'll never forget the adrenaline rush I felt, browsing through the fiction section. I read the Little House books, Harriet The Spy, and A Wrinkle in Time. I swept through the Newbury shelf. I discovered Judy Blume, Paula Danziger and Norma Klein. I lived vicariously through the pages. I get that same rush even now, walking into a bookstore. I particularly like thrift stores, for that extra thrill-of-the-find. I consider myself lucky now, because if I really want a particular book, I just buy it. That's wealth. Twenty-five (eep!) years ago, I had a very small collection. Now I have bookcases full. This weekend, Sean and I are in charge of the used book room at the kids' school's carnival. I've been sorting donations on and off for the last two weeks. I love opening the bags and boxes; it's like unwrapping Christmas presents. I found a whole set of those Little House books. And some Fitzgerald, McCullers, and Anderson. It's all buried among the Steele, Clancy, and Grisham. My volunteering is purely selfish. Of course, I've been told that I have to winnow down my shelves if I want to bring more home. Sigh. Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: "My Baby Loves a Bunch of Authors" by Moxy Fruvous (Comment on this)
Monday, April 19th, 2004
4:41 pm	I'm not ready for my close-up All you Baltimamas should turn on your televisions tonight... My kids Zoe and Jonah were playing in the sprinkler outside our lovely Baltimore rowhome this afternoon when a guy from Fox news dropped by. They sent him out to take "hot weather fun" footage, and he was thrilled to find my cute kids frolicking. So the otherwise awful and sensational Fox news will have something worthwhile on tonight. Channel 54 at 6:30; Channel 45 at 10:00. Diva Zoe said "I don't WANT to be on TV," and refused to take direction. Said she, "This isn't gonna work." (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 9th, 2004
9:13 am	our new babysitter It's the beginning of a new era in the Gallagher household; we now have a live-in babysitter. I have been dreaming of this day for some time now. We took the plunge last week when we had free passes to see Intermission at The Charles downtown. Kevin turned 13 at the beginning of January. He's a responsible kid, one who tends to rise to the occasion. We decided that the stars and planets were aligned and we would give him a try. His brother turns 10 today (Happy Birthday, Jonah!), but they fight like crazy these days, so I had some hesitation about leaving them alone--with Kevin in charge. Zoe is over her Mama-Daddy clingyness, and she loves hanging with her bro's. So we set the terms: five bucks an hour, time rounded to the half hour. (Because money is a fabulous motivator.) You must not be mean or fight with Jonah. You have to engage Zoe and not run downstairs to get on the computer. And it went great. We came back 2 and 1/2 hours later, having enjoyed the movie. The whole crew was on the couch, eating popcorn in the dark and watching Pirates of the Caribbean. Zoe bragged at preschool the next day about the "party" she had with Kevin. Yessssss. Last night, we even gave him some extra responsibility--Zoe's best friend Lulu. Sean and I went out with Yunhui and Matthew to a restaurant in Greektown. Samos is a local no-frills diner kind of place, but the food was incredible. The prices were too low to be believed. For $18 a person, we had the "tour of Samos"--tzatziki and homemade pita, Greek salad, a huge plate of calamari, and this insane platter that had mounds of grilled meat. There were lambchops, gyro meat, chicken kebabs and shrimp, not to mention potatoes, dolmades and spanikopita. When we got back, everyone was happy. Kevin collected his fee (with an extra kid premium), and requested more upcoming babysitting work. What a fantastic, life-altering development. You must realize that when Sean and I started dating, he wound up having the kids full time only four months after we met. They were newly two and five. I moved in and that was that. We never had the usual dating/courtship most people get. We finally get to date...... Current Mood: happy Current Music: tractor-trailers heading up our busy street (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 16th, 2004
9:02 pm	make a wish Writer Erica Jong has been quoted as saying that advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. My experience has been that friends who ask for counsel already have their minds made up. They know what they're going to do; they just hope you'll confirm their secret decision. And if you don't, oh well. If you offer up a different scenario entirely--what do you know anyway? You're not in the situation. You don't have all the details. You can't possibly know how they really feel. It's a no-win situation for the counselor. So you listen. And you question. And you blow at a downy white ball of advice and hope that a few of the little parachutes you disperse will land where they'll germinate. Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: "The Tower," Vienna Teng (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 14th, 2004
9:41 pm	sweet love When I picked Jonah up from school on Friday, he was ready to complain. "I only got candy from one person, and that was the teacher. Everyone else just gave out valentines. And Mrs. Hodges said we weren't allowed to throw them away." Hey, when you're nine, who cares about sentiment? Factory room sayings printed on rectangles and hearts of glossy commercial cardboard, embossed with pictures of Nemo and Shrek. And you have to give one to *everyone*, because hey--we don't want hurt feelings. I understand why candy is the real way to Jonah's heart. Mine, too, when it gets right down to it. That was my only request this year, a box of chocolates. Gotta get some of that phenylethylamine in my bloodstream. But I appreciate the love. I don't need to see it in script on a Hallmark card. I see it in my husband's eyes, feel in it my daughter's kiss. I take it in through the embraces of friends. I am so thankful for all of it. Long after the flowers wilt and the chocolates have been eaten, I'll still feel that love. Even when Sean beats me in a game of Scrabble... Current Mood: loved Current Music: "Keeper of My Heart," Indigo Girls (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 5th, 2004
12:53 pm	she's three Happy Birthday to my Zoe Anna! Birth story to come later. It was no bliss-fest, believe me. Can you say high blood pressure, montiors, immobility, pitocin, no food, no drink, epidural, near-c-section, four and a half hours of pushing and forceps? Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Happy Birthday to You (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 31st, 2004
4:50 pm	trash pickin' Beginning tomorrow, Pepsi launches a giveaway promotion with Apple's iTunes. Finally, a commercial effort I can get excited about! Caffeine AND (free) music. They are both so damned addictive. 1 in 3 16-ounce bottles of Pepsi product has a code printed inside the cap for a free song download of your choice. I am psyched, and so is Kevin, the one Pepsi fan in a household of Coke (Diet) drinkers. When I was leaving class today, I retrieved my empty water bottle from the table to throw it away. I noticed that someone else had left their Diet Pepsi bottle. I grabbed it, too, and then I noticed that it was a promo bottle. I unscrewed the cap--score! And before I dropped the containers into the garbage, I noticed yet another DP bottle. Score! My classsmate Jess wanted to know why I was rooting in the trash. Just looking for a song... Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Veggie Tales Jonah video, yet again (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
9:02 pm	sense memory I was at the mall Sunday with my daughter and her godmother. I bought a Yankee Candle. I am not a Yankee Candle person. I avoid smelly stores at all cost. No Bath and Bodyworks for me, thank you very much. Everything in those retail establishments has an underlying odor of plastic. But we were in the Hallmark store, because Jessie needed to buy cards. The Hallmark store sells a wax of the month, and this month it’s powder pink Fresh Cut Roses. I couldn’t leave the store without buying a little jarred candle. It wasn’t until I got home that I realized I was buying a sense memory. My grandmother, my Nana, wore Avon’s Roses, Roses perfume. It came in a frosted glass jar with a stamped metal lid. I would smell it on her, mixed with the scent of her sweat and the smell of her kitchen. When I was little (5 or 6), I would snuggle up next to her on the couch while she watched Lawrence Welk. She didn’t mind when I absentmindedly sucked on the nylon string ties of her housecoat. They tasted perfume-y, exactly like Roses, Roses. I would sneak up to her bedroom and pick up the jar from the dresser, furtively unscrewing the lid and inhaling the heady smell of artificial roses from the white whipped creme inside. Sometimes she would let me dab a little on my wrists. To me, there was no better smell. Roses, Roses was the smell of being safe, of being loved unconditionally. Now I have the smell in a jar, approximate burn time: 25 - 40 hours. Current Mood: nostalgic Current Music: "Something Truly Fine," Nanci Griffith (4 Comments |Comment on this)